I am all dressed today with blow-dried hair, red lipstick, kohl, tights with nice black and white sweater, standing in my fancy boots. I am looking pretty awesome and I also know that behind kohl eyes are deep emotions of despair. You can’t see me today and why do I care looking good when I actually feel empty inside.

Waiting at my usual subway station, I kept staring at the tracks in front of me and it hit me. I can’t do this anymore.

Per chi?

For whom?

I didn’t realize the space around me and I started to sob. Near-by people must have thought that I just got off from phone with a news of someone dearly being passed away. I drop down to my knees with eyes n nose full of teary water and an open mouth with painful sob sounds. No one came to save me from this embarrassment and I cried more. I covered my face with my palms and prayed to God to take my life as I have done enough damage in one life to my own self. Let me start again. Please. Give me one more chance.

Loud subway siren broke my chain of thoughts. Here I was standing tall with sad eyes which were dreaming of sobbing just a nano second ago. I took a deep breath and asked my broken spirit to get her ass off that filthy floor and pretend for one more day. Let’s bring a show together my friend…just once more.

She doesn’t listen but I have to get on the train so I walked towards that door and like the loser she is, she ran and came behind me.