You are asking me things and saying things but I hear nothing. Not because I am self absorbed or I have no empathy for you and your words but I am confused at all this happening all of a sudden. I need time and I am okay.
I do need you, like a lot but I don’t need the idea of you. Honestly even that is awesome at times but to be truthful with you, I need you to come over maybe and make me a cup of chai or maybe I want to share a laugh or maybe I want to hear some great stories of people who made it in life despite all odds. I don’t know what I need most of the time except to run away from the situation. But can I really run away?
I am not broken, not at all but sometimes I do hear sound of few broken pieces juggling inside but I pay no attention to that noise whatsoever. Honestly, I feel weird. There are moments of absolute triumph in me when I want to do a lot of kick ass stuff and make my life a masterpiece and then there are moments like last night when I could not sleep as I hated the idea of dying by accident and I feared closing my eyes. Truthfully when I opened my eyes this morning, I could not believe it and felt really restful.
Guess what is happening in mind? Share with me once you figure it out. Lets make a joke out of it, together.
I feel really awesome sometimes like everyday during my evening walks, I get all these wonderful ideas which makes me fall in love with the idea of living till the last breath with enthusiasm that I can’t control that feeling within me. But then there are days like today when while walking I felt that my energy meter had dropped to -30 and was literally dragging my feet to cover the last lap to walk out of park and go home, I felt weak as hell and could not find meaning in all this.
Why do things happen in life all of a sudden? How did I not see this happening before and now what? Is there a meaning to all this? I am sure there is…
I feel like I am standing on top of a beautiful scrap and uncovering it layer by layer. Trying to find this new version of me which I am very sure will be awesome but its unknown. All of this is new to me and I am scared at times. I don’t know what should I do to make things be comfortable and easy and yet powerful and uplifting.
Like J K Rowling said “If you have to ask, you’ll never know. If you know, you need only ask.”