Another day another night and another year. All always comes to an end. What remains is the learning, relations, pain and joy from the experience. Sometimes it’s easy to point to one but a lot of other times,it’s just a lingering feeling which we quiet don’t understand. There are days when you feel sad for no reason and on other days you are jovial as hell for no reason. But there always are reasons, just that we are not very good at understanding them so quickly.
Every year on Christmas I pray to God for the health and wealth of my family , friends , all the people I know and myself. And I always believed in it but this time, prayer comes off as fake as what could someone ask when life always throws a curve ball at you? What can I possibly ask ? As when I asked the things they didn’t came true and I couldn’t pursur as often situations made me change my path.
If someone would have asked me 20 years ago – what do you want to be then I would have said “a dancer”
10 years ago – “create a dance academy where you could learn any dance form of the world”
5 years ago- “world traveler”
3 years ago – “change the world”
2 years ago – “in love”
A year ago – “find myself”
Now – how does it matter?
Santa had been hiding all this while and now I am someone with so many desires and lesser hope. Not that I could pursue all these dreams.. there was always some sort of chain on my feet holding me back.
I am definitely not alone. I see people everyday in metro and at work who are aimlessly watching videos on their phones, no smile on their face, edgy, distracted, just working in jobs to pay bills which they got at first place because they wanted to fit in but now it’s become a lifestyle which they can’t get out of. People have empty eyes, their laughs are superficial, they can burst into tears with just little bit affection but yet we never bother about any of them as hell I have too many problems of my own. Sadly we all are on same boat at some or other time.
We have family, partners and companions but how can you tell this to anyone that you are lost and that you don’t know if you really should pursue that dream that you have recently seen as let’s face it – you have been quiet unlucky all this while.
It’s important to express our emotions. If you can to someone then awesome or else write about it, sing to yourself, talk to yourself and listen.
A side story: I saw movie Joy today and it touched me so deep that I felt quiet relived after crying a truck load. Yes I cried a lot n lot n lot after the scene where Joy loses her grandmother. The grandmother was the only one who loved her selflessly, who saw something greater in her, who stood by Joy as silent supporter, who cared deeply for her and so much more. She was what everyone wants in their lives.
I wonder why no one becomes this kind of partner or friend for someone. This includes me. Perhaps I myself am not immune to this myself . Can we try and be honest with one another? Can we not say that” hey you don’t care the way I want you to. ” But the thing is , someone who is suffering will never be able to ask for help. They suffer alone. So in my superficial world I hope we all can just ask one more time to someone we care “Are you okay?”
So this year I make a prayer for all those who are hurting tonight. Dear 🎅, please bring warmth to those who are shivering with loneliness. Please give love and affection to all who needs us. Please fulfill the innocent true honest heart’s desire. Let everyone has that one person who stands by their side as a true companion. Let us all live in peace and harmony.
At end I want to leave you all with my state :hiraeth
a longing for a home you can’t return to, or one that was never yours. not necessarily a house, but a homelyfeeling such as love