There is this guy in my office. You know the guy who is nice to you and you like talking to him just because. But if I think closely, I like talking him like everyone else does because he is that person who genuinely talks to you as compared to those who fulfill an obligation, he is smiley, pleasant and helpful or maybe because he is a foolish flirt who runs in different direction when approached by someone in return. He makes me laugh and cry sometimes. He brings autumn calmness with him. Yes I am talking about him.
But this one who is in my office is different than all other ones in your lives and I am bloody sure about this as I haven’t seen someone like him in my whole life. I still remember the day when I took my first one on one with him in which I asked him about his family and he told his story about how his mother passed away recently and how his father is losing the grip on life because of that and I saw his sad eyes for the first time as at all other times, his eyes would be sparkling with some sort of charm.
From that day onwards I saw this many times. Like the day when I walked up to all my team members to participate in the Mothers Day event I was hosting in office and he looked at me with some sort of denial and I did not understand why he is not showing his usual enthusiasm and then my bulb sparked and I felt like shit. But I saw him taking this with a gulp like he is resetting the button and he said with calmness in his voice that “Yes I will participate and do this activity for my sister”.
Life kept moving on fine then a day came when I got a text from him early morning telling me that his father passed away and I can not explain how I felt. I don’t think I ever felt like this for someone else’s loss. I felt like something broke inside me and I wanted to rush towards him and just sit there for a while holding his hand. So I went to meet him the next day and I hugged him for the first time and I wanted to never leave that hug and somehow I wanted to transfer the warmth and affection to him that ‘I care’ and that ‘everything is going to be alright’ and that ‘he is not alone’. I felt that he felt that. But he was back and he was back with a bang.
Most of the times I felt like he hid his pain somewhere deep inside instead of letting it out and I was right. His pain comes out sometimes in his subtle dialogues and I feel like that same day when I met him after his father’s death. I feel like giving him a hug and saying the same thing again with my warmth but you know I can’t as its office afterall.
But I wish to say this to him:
I know, no one can take away that pain which you feel. No one but you.
I also know, you go back home at times thinking its not yours now. I know.
You know, you have loved ones in your life like no one has. No one but you.
But I know, you wish to undo what happened and live your freedom once again. I know.
You wish to go home and hug your mom. I know dear.
You wish to smoke that pipe with your dad near.
I know you have heard that they are here with you and you can feel them with you. The feeling which you cannot explain to anyone but that feeling makes you feel more alone at times.
I know you have heard many times to let go but you can not and I know I cannot ask that from you.
So today, I wish to share my vision for you. You know, I have a vision for you.
You stand tall in your 10th floor Penthouse apartment overlooking the city madness, both hands in your pocket and a contentment of a winner in your eyes. You feel at peace with life. You feel nothing but contentment at everything you have achieved and at the person you have become. You introspect how life changed and you came at this point, how everything you faced was turned into this learning and how after that great loss you realized the strength you carry within you. Your thought process breaks when your loving wife comes from behind and subtly reminds you to help kids with their homework and you know its going to be a long night.
What? You thought happiness was going to be easy?
But I wish to see you content and I wish to see those eyes become vibrant again. I hope it happens soon. And you know right that you are not alone?
Relax. I am not talking about me. Okay?
But really, you are not alone. Period.