End of epiphany or disaster or hope or a year? What ever it is, good or bad or very bad, it always comes to an end and I want to call it an END and tomorrow a ‘reinforced magical new beginning‘.
As the end is here, my mind can not help but drift to the occasions and moments spent in union with the feeling of NOW and I cant help but wonder, how many of those moment made me weaker in knees and ironically at the same time made me way stronger than I ever have been. Moments when I became a victim of my own thoughts and moments when I was almost swept off my feet.
If I have to write an eulogy for the year went by then what would I write in that? Will it be the more recent unhappy emotions since the recent ones stays stronger in memory or will I be able to think back on all the moment that made me an year older and an year smarter person?
Eulogy of being 32 Years Old female
Last year was unlike all the other years of my life. It gave me enormous number of challenges to compete and what helped me feel more and more inclined towards those were the lessons I learned during my entire struggling 20s. There were many occasions last year where I was forced to move out of my comfort zone and try new things and that makes me question myself that “what is my comfort zone” today? I have shattered that box last year and welcomed everything with open arms that now I stand in middle of nowhere. As you’ll know that I am a big believer of ‘ruin is a gift’ philosophy, I want to say that even though last 8 months had been slowly pushing me towards a rather unhappy zone in certain areas, I still feel that its for the best.
There were moments when I did feel lost, drained in energy and you know the moment when you realize that all your efforts have been washed down the drains because you could not play it well? Yeah that feeling. I had that for so long but nevertheless, it made me value what stayed even more than I ever valued before. I did receive many gifts from the almighty and I can never be thank full enough for that. But as this has come to an end, I want to reflect on the year and ask questions and find answers.
I know what had been missing, I know I needed a home run, I know needed a grander recognition of my spirited efforts, I know I needed companionship at this very moment of my life (physical moment), I know I wanted to get over a hump I had been trying to get over since long and many more. But maybe being 32 was all about first gear and now I might pick up speed.
At end I would like to say that I loved you dearly and I am thank full that you happened to me, My 32 year old self.