Daily hustle with an ex lover?
A close friend of mine once had a ravishing and extravagant love affair in her workplace with a person working in the same team as hers. What seemed like a forever heart throbbing love affair ended up like a carry-on to our surprise. Just to make things clear, my friend took a real long time in analyzing the situation and hence she kept hurting herself over and over again when this person had chosen someone else in the same department. Ofcourse when she came face to face with the fact that they broke up because the person she loved more than her life had chosen someone else over her, she moved on with her life. Yes, we were there to support her at all times and provide the notes of encouragement whenever she needed it. However, you can yourself feel that it does not matter who is with you at that moment as the person whom you want to be with you is not with you. But we all know that sooner or later, we need to pick up the broken pieces of the puzzle our self and call it a day.
How will you cope up with someone after that?
Yes, after-all you would make peace with seeing them together, going to the same places as you both once used to go to, sneaking out, whispering, cuddling and laughing. You can not help but not avoid them and you almost every time feel a thrashing pain in your heart and then you put all your strength to see something else rather than your ex with someone else. My friend would call me during such hours and would start crying hysterically. I never understood what advice can I give to her instead of asking her to switch her job. But I never asked her to switch the job as in my opinion, you can run from the place but not from the pain. So its imperative to stay put, suffer and then muster all your will power to see a day when nothing matters.
Ray of hope after the dark tunnel?
I just spoke to her today and asked her about the things at her work place. She said, they still go to the same places, sneak out, whisper, cuddle and laugh. She also said “When I look at them , I know what joke they must be sharing at that very moment. I instinctively know their next move, I know they lie to me when they see me close enough and want to avoid me” and I asked her “How are you coping with this still after 5 months?” and she simplistically said “Its just like a familiarity but I do not feel a thing as I have emptied the rented apartment of hate from my head”.
What changes she went under?
I asked myself that from being madly in love, how did she become so indifferent and I think what happened was that she struggled with her own choice of falling in love with the person who chose to not value her and she struggled more to forgive her self. But once she did forgive herself, everything worked our itself. I feel she did really brave as I see many people every day struggling through same set of emotions and not finding a proper resort. They do find solace and comfort in something for a while but that almost always runs out of fuel of keeping them happy as they missed few steps recovering their soured hearts and in order to feel good, they fast paced the recovery process by finding easy methods. And don’t we all know that easy is not the best? Its same like gorging on a big chocolate box which makes you feel okay for a while and then the drop in energy comes as a shock and depressed state of mind.
What are the steps of getting over someone?
- Acknowledge that you need to do this for yourself.
- Feel the pain and try not to mask it by other emotions of despair.
- Forgive yourself: Please its very important step. You did a mistake and now MOVE ON.
- Find a goal or purpose. (even if it is short term).
I also think that when do you know that you have made a wrong choice? Are there steps for that too. Maybe there are different steps for different people. In my opinion I think you know that you have goofed up in making a love -bond with someone at work space when any of the below mentioned is true-
- He/she sees through you.
- The information you start to receive is filtered.
- Loyalty becomes overrated.
- You can feel someone else filing your shoes easily.
- Sense of belonging only appears at certain moments.
Overall, my friend had a good judgement and she is safe & sound today. I want to tell her that I love her more than she would ever know and that she deserves everything best. She has found a purpose and I could never be more proud of her. I also want to tell you who has made it this far in the blog that –
No matter what happens, you deserve to be treated right at all times. So make a choice for YOURSELF and move on with your life. Everything is going to be just fine.