I spent a good time this Saturday morning at my work-from-home job. If things were normal right now, then today would be an official rest day. Now as all of us are working from home, the official times have merged into personal times. It took a few months to adjust to this pace but eventually, our survival instinct kicks in and we learn to adapt. We all also know what’s best for us at every particular moment and hence I believe that sooner or later, everyone understands what’s expected from them in life.
After finishing a few tasks, I realized that it was afternoon already. I am still getting over the sickness that started as mere sneezing last week and turned into a full-blown breathing issue, fever, and diarrhea but I can feel that the worst is over and my mom’s fear of me having Covid symptoms have relaxed. After lunch, my body kind of shut down and I wanted to crash and sleep for an hour or two as sickness has a new feeling for me now. Every bit of sickness brings with it added challenge since my diagnosis. A mere fever feels so much more difficult now. But Strangely, despite that, I did not rest and caught myself looking at my phone every few minutes to see if I have received an important email from work which I might miss if I don’t look at my phone right at the moment. It’s crazy and unhealthy- trust me, I know. I am not advocating doing this with you and I am not sure how I got here as I have always been that person who stays away from mobiles as much as I could. In due time, I will find my way back to myself or maybe I will learn something remarkable at this moment itself. Whatever that may be, I am not afraid. Not anymore.
Before I got this urge to write today, I was eating my lunch and doing something I utterly enjoy – watching my favorite content on YouTube and that’s always the nomadic channels. Today, I saw 3.5 videos and if you are into nomadic life then binge away –
Couple Turn Old VW Van into A Beautiful Home on Wheels
The Pacific Crest Trail | Chapter Eight
One Day in the Himalaya | My Camping Life from Dawn to Dusk
Cycling around the world: VLOG 16 – ACROSS AFRICA – The Gambia #2
This is my fix for whenever I am feeling lost and not myself and I have been feeling all these things on and off for some time now, like most people around me. But watching these or reading about such content, somehow gives me the strength to fight and to know that it’s all going to be okay if I keep at it.
I still remember that when I was diagnosed with T1D, my biggest fear or disappointments were–
How will I ever hike PCT now?
How will I ever travel a country on my bike?
How will I ever trek to Pin Parvati?
How will I ever run a marathon?
I was foolish to wait for doing all these things when life would get better. Guess what, life just gave me a good punch in the gut.
I still can’t do all this and I am 1.5 years into this condition for life. I was a pro gym girl and now I can barely workout for solid 15 minutes sometime. I was an efficient trekker and now my leg hurts like crazy with just a casual walk on Shimla mall road. The good side is that now I can work out on most days for at least 15 minutes as last year I could not even climb a flight of stairs without having hypos.
And honestly, people do it all the time, though it adds to the expenses and challenges. A few months into this new life at 35 years old, I had two options in front of me – Cry my whole life or slowly and steadily get into a new life of adventure with T1D. I chose the latter and traveled to Germany as an experiment. If a fellow T1D is reading this then they would laugh at me as to what is challenging in taking a flight to Germany? Duh
But it was for me and for my parents. I needed to travel somewhere far where I have to take care of my blood sugar, eat different food and stay healthy and live a little which I was holding for so long. The travel story of Germany is very exciting as traveling internationally with T1D is a different game altogether. There were so many small and big hurdles that I went through but I will write about those some other time.
Now for some real talk -This week something very heartbreaking happened and though I can’t share that over this public forum I can say that we are all hurting in life and we are all in need of some reassurance and a lot of support. We all feel at times that we are being let down by our loved ones, our life, collegues, government, and God. We all also look at the success of someone else and feel terribly bad, I know how it feels as have been there a lot of times myself. Someone might look at me and say, what does she has to feel sorry about and someone will look at that same person and say the same things. Success is always relative and it doesn’t always make sense when we are troubling as we go through the monomaniacal obsession over the achievement of those around us. Sadhguru said in one of his talks that we are lucky that not all of our wishes come true instantly as we imagine them. What if, whatever we wish for in life becomes true then could you live with that life? Read about the story of Kalpavriksha (the wishing tree) here- http://balsanskar.ashram.org/ArticleViewer/ArtMID/1933/ArticleID/15518/kalpavriksha
We all know this fact but still, we are very much an active part of this race.
In one of the videos I watched today, there was great advice shared by YouTuber’s friend when they were starting the ‘Van Life’ – She said that every breakdown will be the best experience of this Van life as every time something breaks, it gives an opportunity to make something better, something different or sometimes it just teaches an important lesson. So for everyone who is hurting right now-
“No matter where you are in the journey, no matter how many breaks you have had to face, it’s worth it. The lion cannot always stay inside the cave fearing for the tornado, it will come out and rule, eventually”.